::cake pops::

I thought I'd consider making cake pops for Heidi's 2nd birthday party, but in my years of baking and cooking, I have (finally) learned to never try something new when guests are coming. So, when my friend Liz asked me to host an Arbonne party for her, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to try my hand at creating these delicious, super-sweet, cake-icing-chocolate balls on sticks.

Good thing, too.

Dang, these things are more work than they look! The redeeming quality is, of course, that no matter how bad they look, they taste the same: yummy!

Either way, I started by watching Youtube tutorials, and thought surely, baking blogger Bakerella would have something to say. And she did. I watched her tutorial and thought, "That looks easy!" Well, let's just say I'm glad I started this process two days ahead of time!

First, I had to bake the cake. (Don't be silly and think I made one from scratch. no name helped me out with this part.) I baked them, let them cool, and cut them into quarters, like Bakerella said. I started by picking up two cake quarters and rubbing them together over a large mixing bowl to create crumbs.

If I had continued this way, I'd still be making cake crumbs. That did NOT work.

So I said, "Screw that," and started manhandling that cake! I broke, smooshed, tossed and stirred those cakes until they were nothing but a pile of lumpy crumbs. I thought the lumps gave it character. You know, rustic, like something Bobby Flay would do.

Then I had to mix in the icing (again with the no name brand). The entire container. I thought this may be too much but I was wrong, very wrong. In fact, I still have a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't enough.

I dumped it in and began to stir with a wooden spoon, as per Bakerella's tutorial, thinking it would come together evenly and quickly. And again, that did NOT work. And so, channeling my best meatloaf-making skills, I squished and mashed the icing and cake crumbs by hand like nobody's business. It felt good!

By this time, it was late at night and Wayne could barely keep his eyes open on the couch, waiting for me to finish up in the kitchen. I thought to myself, "I'll just roll them into balls now, leave them on the baking sheet in the fridge and pick up where I left off in the morning." So I pulled out my 2 Tbsp. scooper and began "rolling" cake balls.

However, each time I tried to roll the cake and icing mixture, it would break apart in my hands! Either there wasn't enough icing, or it was too hot/humid in our house to get the mixture to stick together. So I had to knead and squish each cake ball individually. After 36 scoops, this gets boring and tiring. Ugh, it was a late night. But I did it.

The next morning, my first attempt to melt the coloured chocolate wafers left me with a Pyrex measuring cup full of burnt pink discs, with a core of brown and black crust that stunk up my kitchen. FAIL. (Why did I think I could melt coloured chocolate in the microwave? I dunno!)

So out came the double boiler, and my plans for pink cake pops changed to blue ones. Ok, ok, this mistake was entirely my own and I take full responsibility for it.

The remnants of the pink chocolate.

Ewwww. It stunk.

So with the blue chocolate safely melting in a homemade double boiler on the stove, I prepped my lollipop sticks, my dipping cup, and my styrofoam block that Wayne so kindly drilled holes into for me to let the pops dry in before packaging. 

I figured the cake balls would be cold enough having been in the fridge all night that I wouldn't need to freeze them for the 15 mins Bakerella suggests before inserting the sticks and dipping them. Again, I was wrong. They were still barely holding together. Into the freezer they went.

A couple of hours later, I re-melted the chocolate and took the pops out of the freezer. They were much harder and actually stayed together as I inserted the sticks and dipped them into the chocolate.

But as time went on, the once-frozen pops began to thaw, and the crumbs would come off in the blue goop. I then tried to reshape the cake balls as I worked with them, but that left my hands brown and sticky, which stained the lollipop sticks! Ugh, I just couldn't win!

Finally, I got 20 of them dipped before running out of chocolate (the last one had to be slathered with a spatula!), and decided that would have to do. I sprinkled coloured sugar on them (which also looked very awkward and childish in its application - how do you do that evenly? Dipping them in the sugar looked silly, too.). I put them in the fridge to harden up, and then covered them with clear candy bags and wrapped the bases with blue ribbon.

If you think this post was long and boring to read, imagine being the one MAKING the bloody things! Haha. As I said, though, they taste awesome (and that's with from-the-box mix and icing!) and even though they are sloppy and kind of look like homemade gumballs on sticks, I vow to dip and wrap the remaining cake balls (which are in a Ziploc in the freezer) in my leftover purple chocolate wafers for another event so I don't waste the ingredients.

Now I just need to find an event worthy of so much time and effort. :oS

::sausage rolls::

Well, yes, Oren has his own sausage rolls. But actually, I made my own - edible - sausage rolls for the first time today and they are SO GOOD! I had some unseasoned sausages (the kind from a butcher, not packaged) in the fridge that needed to be cooked up. But Wayne is on a little road trip in his putt-putt (the Metro) and there's no way Heidi and I can eat 2 lbs of ground pork between us in his absence! So I dug out my President's Choice puff pastry from the freezer (always good to have on hand - they go on special for $2/box and I stock up) and away I went!

The recipe is from Canadianliving.com and it's a winner - easy, too. I did change it a little, so here is my version. Served hot with President's Choice Memories of Tuscany Balsamic Fig sauce - DELISH!

Puff Pastry Sausage Rolls

(adapted from Canadian Living magazine)

Ingredients

2 eggs, divided

1.5 to 2 lbs. pork sausage, casings removed

1/2 cup boxed stovetop stuffing for chicken, dry

2 Tbsp dried parsley

1/2 cup minced onion

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 package frozen all-butter puffpastry, thawed and chilled

3 tbsp Dijon mustard

Preparation

Line two baking sheets with parchment paper; set aside.

In bowl, beat one of the eggs until frothy; blend in sausage, stuffing mix, parsley, onion and garlic. Get dirty; take off your rings and use your hands! Set aside.

On lightly floured surface, unroll pastry; place both sheets lengthwise end to end, slightly overlapping. Roll out and roll over the seam to seal the two pieces. Cut lengthwise into three even strips. Brush each with mustard lengthwise down the centre; spoon about one-third of the sausage mixture lengthwise down centre of each.

In small bowl, whisk remaining egg with 1 Tbsp water; brush along one long side of each piece of puff pastry (on the inside of what will become the roll). Fold the un-brushed long sides over to cover filling and onto the egg-brushed pastry on the opposite side; press firmly to seal.

Cut each roll in half and arrange rolls, seam side down, on one of the prepared pans (you should have six half-rolls). Freeze until firm, about 15 minutes. Remove from freezer and cut each half-roll crosswise into four pieces; space about one inch apart on two prepared pans.

Brush remaining egg-water wash over individual rolls. Bake in 425°F (220°C) oven until puffed and golden, about 20 minutes.

Yum! Remember: these are best reheated in the oven or toaster oven, not a microwave.

::May::

Wayne’s sister, Jennifer, and her husband, Keith, arrived mid-May in their new trailer! It was pretty snazzy. And so roomy that they brought their two cats, Buzz & Muffin, and two dogs, Beagles Taboo & Koda, along for the ride. We had nice weather, and I learned to make some yummy gluten-free recipes for Keith.  

I wish we could have visitors every month.

In May, I also started volunteering to write for the Carberry News Express, a little newspaper in a small town just east of Shilo. Quite a few military members live there and make the commute into the base every day, and the community centre here does its best to make them feel included by running ads in their papers, as well as running a bi-weekly column highlighting local Army life. So that is what I am writing and I’m finding it fun and therapeutic, actually. It’s nice to have an outlet and to know I’m reaching people who live the same lifestyle. Hopefully, the themes I write on can open conversations and encourage camaraderie among military families in that town.

Then, after May long weekend, we packed up the family – Dora, too! – and hit the road heading west, toward Vancouver. We travelled for three days by car, stopping in Swift Current, SK, and Revelstoke, BC, for the nights. It was a really enjoyable drive. I must say: portable DVD players are a MUST for toddlers. ;)

The drive through the national parks and the mountains were stunning, and I love it every time. But I can’t imagine doing it in the winter with a packed vehicle and ice/snow/avalanches. I feel like it would make me an irresponsible parent to put my kids at risk by driving through the mountains in such conditions. So we are seriously reevaluating going to BC for Christmas this year. Who knows? Maybe we’ll have more visitors here, anyway? (hint, hint)

Here are some pics from our trip:

 Nana B. snuggles with Oren

Nana Wood hangs with Heidi, Gigi and Wayne's wallet. ;) 

Catherine Lake on the Sunshine Coast: heaven. 

 Giant prawns we ate for supper, straight from he dock below Wayne's parents' vacation home in Secret Cove. Mmmm....

 Granville Island!

 Wayne sweet new ride: 1996 Geo Metro. It made it all the way back to Manitoba - no problems!

 Tanning together. ;)

Coming home to Shilo was so nice. We really missed it here. The flooding is not gone, but it seems stabilized, and the weather has turned to summer.

I went for my first post-pregnancy run tonight and we’re feeling the need to BBQ every night. I am so happy summer is here. It’s much more motivating than winter.

So that’s been my life in a nutshell. Having two kids under two really doesn’t allow for much brain function, which is why I haven’t blogged lately. But I have great ideas and thoughts I want to write about! It’s just a matter of sitting at the computer uninterrupted to get them out on the screen. Ah, life. Everything is a season.

Ciao!

::April::

Getting to know Oren was a pure joy. All parents know the first six weeks of parenthood are pure survival, and it’s no different the second time around. You just have to factor in a toddler! Heidi was (and still is) so sweet with Oren – we couldn’t ask for a better big sis for our little guy. Of course, he hasn’t started trying to play with “her” toys yet, either. ;) We made the mistake of introducing him to her as “your brother, Oren,” instead of just “Oren,” so she calls him “brudder.” And when she does try to say his name, it still comes out as “Onion.” Here is some footage of Oren's first day, and their first meeting, the day after he was born:

Wayne was quite apprehensive with Oren at first. When Heidi was born, he left less than 24 hours later to go back to Gagetown, NB, to complete his training. So he never lived life with a newborn, and this was all new to him. I admit, Oren reminded me just how small babies come, and they do seem fragile. So we learned together and gradually, Wayne and Oren have become good pals. Wayne even changes his diapers now!

My girlfriends on base, Laura and Amanda L., threw me a surprise baby shower for Oren. It was so nice! Poor Wayne was on the hook for getting me there, and is not the best liar (which is a good thing!), so I had a hunch. But I acted dumb and let him fumble his way through his excuses without calling him out. J Laura hosted and did such a great job. She even handmade wooden blocks with Oren’s name and some boy imagery burned on the sides. She is SUCH a talent! And Amanda made a stunning cake. It was so nice, I didn’t want to cut it! We had a blast and I was beyond blessed by the girlfriends I have made here.

Amanda and Becca 

More visitors came to see us in April: BFF Danielle and her daughter, Georgia. Georgia was 14 months old at the time and Danielle decided she would learn to walk while she was here. And sure enough, it worked! Heidi was ripping around Gigi all week until Gigi decided she needed to keep up, and that walking would help her cause. I caught it on video but for some reason, it won't load.  :(

They were here for Easter, and they wore matching dresses, made for them by Danielle’s mother-in-law, Joanne, who is an unbelievable seamstress!

 Gigi and Heidi went to an Easter egg hunt at the community centre on base and Gigi introduced Heidi to the glorious world of chocolate.

We really enjoyed having them here. We watched snippets of the Royal Wedding, drank a lot of coffee, and had lunch at Lady of the Lake. We even shaved Oren’s head, as all his hair on top fell out, leaving a cul-de-sac ‘do. He looked like George Costanza from Seinfeld, it was so ridiculous. Thanks to Danielle for the idea. It grew back quickly and much more evenly!

We miss you guys!

::March::

Wayne went to England for 10 days with his battery from the regiment to visit some British bases and learn more about the origins of his trade (Surveillance and Target Acquisition). He left two weeks before my due date and returned safely and before Oren was born (because my children arrive fashionably late, of course). He brought me a BEAUTIFUL wool shawl from Scotland, and of course, a commemorative magnet depicting Wills & Kate for the royal wedding!

Here he is at Edinburgh castle…

A lot of people were wide-eyed in shock when they realized I was “letting” Wayne take this trip to England so far along in my pregnancy. But I didn’t “let” him do anything. I thought it was a fantastic opportunity (how many people get a free trip to England?), and I knew he really wanted to go. Honestly, I would have felt horribly guilty if I’d asked him to stay home, and then the baby arrived past due anyway (which he did). I knew I would have been well cared for in Shilo in his absence if Oren had decided to arrive early. But he didn’t. I used to be much more cautious in these kinds of situations. But being an Army wife really makes you reevaluate your “need” for your husband’s presence at all times. Granted, I would have been terribly disappointed if he missed Oren’s birth! But I also understand that women around here do this ALL. THE. TIME., and that going to England was a great break for Wayne. It’s all about perspective.

The week of Oren’s due date (which was March 22), my cousin Sarah travelled with her hubby and four kiddos by car to Shilo from Surrey. They got to see our crazy spring snow and even delayed their trip home to meet Oren, who was born a week late. It was so good to have family here, and Stu cooked us an amazing roast beef dinner – we had leftovers for a week! Heidi had a blast with her (2^nd? 3^rd?) cousins!

Here is Heidi learning how to “play the drums” with her cousin, Oliver.

And then, OREN WAS BORN! March 29 was a good day. We met our son after an AMAZING birth at Brandon’s hospital with our midwife, Kari. I couldn’t have asked for a more attentive, caring, and witty lady to share our experience and welcome Oren into the world. The amazing Amanda Lazarski photographed his arrival and the birth went so smoothly, I would do it again in a second! It was relatively short labour – had irregular contractions while Sarah & Stu were here, then again in the night, and went into the midwives’ office for 10 am. Leah swept my membranes, and we were at the hospital by noon. Kari broke my water and Oren was born that afternoon at 3:30! I wish my labour with Heidi had been so controlled. I really panicked with her. But with this one, I felt every little thing, and even though the pain was, well, painful, it was incredible to know exactly what was happening and what to do! If you’d like to see the photos (they are really not gory at all!), let me know and I’ll send you the link. Here are a few…

::cameo::

Inspired by Julie at Sweet Peanuts, I set out last week to create an old-fashioned cameo/silhouette of Heidi for her room. It was actually much easier than I anticipated! I will do this for each of our kids, maybe one every few years to line our halls as they grow? Ok, that's a little ambitious. But still, it's a cool idea.

Here is the photo I used for Heidi's profile:

I uploaded this to Picnik.com, a free online photo editing tool, and treated the image with the "pencil sketch" tool under the "Create" section. Then I cropped it close to print a larger version in B&W, like this:

Once it printed to the size I wanted, I outlined the profile with a thin felt, cut it out, and traced around that onto a piece of black construction paper with a white quilting pencil. I cut that out, flipped it and glued it into place on the scrapbooking paper you see below. I bought a frame from Michael's (LOVE those 40% off any one regular priced item coupons!) that matches one she already has hanging in her room and - voila! Heidi's very own cameo.

Thanks for the inspiration, Julie!

::at home::

My generation of woman - the daughters of Baby Boomers – is a product of the age of feminism. It was raised to have high self-worth, believe in the power of positive thinking, and achieve every dream we ever dreamed. Women today are expected to be "equal" to men, and even surpass them in the workplace. But the feminist mentality leaves a gaping hole in our society: who is left to raise our children?

The very heart of feminism – the theory that we can “do it all” – leaves no room for it’s own continuation! If caring for children is viewed by the masses as a mind numbing and suffocating life of drudgery, how will these children learn to perpetuate the prized feminist mindset? If mom is at the office 10 hours a day, surely the nanny or day care worker isn’t be expected to shape a child’s worldview in her place, especially one so radical and finite…or is she?

Thank goodness we live in a country where maternity leave is an entire year long, and our employers welcome us back with open arms. At least we have that year to bond. But what will our daughters learn if we are constantly "burning the candle from both ends" as they grow up, coming home exhausted, valuing company loyalty over family time, keeping in touch with them via text message, and serving Pizza Pockets for supper? Well, they'll learn how to prioritize income and achievement above family relationships, and spread themselves so thin that they break down at 40.

Let me be clear: I admire and support full-time mothering. But that does not mean I condemn mothers who work outside the home. I know that if we still lived in B.C., there is no way I could stay home full-time to raise a family. In fact, most of you who know me know I am quite career-driven, and I take a lot of pride in my work. I enjoy it! I sincerely look forward to returning to the workforce, when the time is right. But for right now, I recognize that my family needs me most at home, more than a second income. And we have changed our lifestyle (significantly) to facilitate that.

I recently read this blog post by Dr. Laura, which discusses the responsibility of mothers to be available (read: at home) to oversee and monitor their children's daily activities and diet in order for their kids to stay healthy, combating the North American obesity epidemic.

And it makes perfect sense! It's not to say there aren't other factors contributing to children's rising health issues. Our culture, built on convenience, makes it too easy us women to do the bare minimum for our families, shortchanging our kids, our husbands, and ourselves. All this, while living in an age when technology is designed to maximize our time and efficiency, and the concept of the "working mom" is prized as a superhero, a woman who "does it all"! Talk about irony – no woman does it all. Someone pays for it in the end, and it’s not usually her boss.

I'm not bringing this up because I have the answer to maintaining a balance between keeping up with the cost of living and raising a family. I understand that while we can’t do it all, neither can we have it all (white house, picket fence, two cars, dog, etc.). Certainly, I do not feel that joining the Armed Forces is something everyone can - or even wants - to do! It works for us, and I am thankful we haven't yet experienced an overseas deployment. But it is a sacrifice we will undoubtedly have to make, and many people would say the risk of Daddy being maimed or killed at war far outweighs a mother working outside the home. "At least she is home every night, and isn't volunteering to dodge bullets for a living," you might say. And I would agree! Most families would never put a parent in that situation.

I am addressing this, however, because until recently (yes, I'm talking about after Heidi was born; after we joined the Canadian Forces so that I could raise our kids; after we were posted from beautiful B.C. to the barren Prairies), I subscribed to the mentality that women should be able to do it all! And I was sorely mistaken.

It has taken me a long time to get to a place emotionally and spiritually where I can accept that, at least for this time in my life, being a stay-at-home mom is what I am called to do. For a long time, I questioned whether full-time motherhood would keep me interested, and I wondered if my brain would slowly turn to mush without consistent professional engagement. (It turns out that pregnancy and childrearing turns your brain to mush, no matter your level of professional involvement!) In fact, moving to a new province while on mat leave was quite scary, knowing I wouldn't have a job to return to. I have always had a job! Relying on my husband to provide for our family was difficult to wrap my head around (not that he's ever given me any doubt). I have always been a self-proclaimed independent woman, perfectly capable of providing for myself. But this is the very attitude I had to release in order to embrace my new role as mother. And now that I have, I wonder why I didn't do it sooner? 

The mental and emotional battle I endured as I faced the prospect of sacrificing my former identity was long and cloudy. I often was left wondering what was that nagging feeling in my mind, the one that said, "Shouldn't you be doing something more important than changing diapers and singing nursery rhymes?” I felt I shouldn’t get used to this 'cushy' lifestyle at home. I instilled fear in myself by constantly remembering that one day, I’ll have to catch up to all the younger women whose training is more current than mine and be expected to compete with them for the jobs I want. And that attitude - a defeatist one, I admit - got me down. 

Why is it that the blessings of family life are so hard to see through our own selfish desires? Now that I have come through the fogginess, and am beginning to understand the significance of my role in Heidi's upbringing, I kick myself for thinking so pessimistically. Why couldn't I apply that self-worth, learned so thoroughly from my own pop culture-saturated upbringing, to my new profession as a mom? Why was I so doubtful that raising a child is the single most important thing I'll accomplish in this lifetime? 

Surely, I am not the only woman who has struggled with this “identity crisis.” And so I'm posting this to start a conversation, and hope that, if anything, it brings relief or a sense of camaraderie to those of you who may have experienced the same thoughts, regardless of whether you are a working mom outside the home or inside. 

How did you get through the Mommy fog? Or are you still working through it? 

How has embracing this new identity changed you for the better? 

What would you change now that you look back on your experience transitioning from working professional, to mommy, and perhaps back? 

I’m particularly interested to know if, like me, you now realize your outlook on this subject (full-time mom vs. full-time professional) has changed significantly since having children. And if so, how has it affected you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?